Rainy Day MMM (Mini Movie Marathon)

The rain has finally broken here in the Bay, but it is still grey and bleak. I've been holed up like a winter bear in hibernation, as I completely detest rain. Honestly, I would rather be in snow. It was so bad that earlier in the week I had tickets to see Raphael Saadiq at the Fillmore, and didn't even go, and I always see Raphael. Is it possible to look cute in the pouring rain? I think not, unless you have an entourage like Kimora Lee Simmons.


Besides the weather, one thing I miss about LA. is the diversity, and the randomness of the celebrities I would spot. A favorite game I would play while waiting in the horrid Sunset Strip traffic from work was "spot that random celebrity". It would veer off in all different directions; Jessica Biel, Alfonso Robeiro, Ryan Reynolds, Vanessa Bell Calloway, the dude from Korn (don't ask me how I knew that), The Empress Of Lucite (my fellow D-Listed readers know that one). While watching the movie "Cover" over the weekend, it made me almost feel like I was playing that game. More on the later. And yes, I am still a bit grouchy, and the following Black Cinema films did nothing to help.

Starting off my MMM were several just as random YT films--"Final Analysis", a thriller that was made when Richard Gere was still semi-hot*, "The Prime Gig" a sleep inducing movie about a big ticket telemarketing scam starring Vince Vaughn, when he was still semi-hot*, and a film that I highly recommend called "Dogtown and Z-Boys", which is a semi-documentary with great footage about the very beginning of the skateboard movement in Santa Monica, CA. Don't confuse it with the weak, fictionalized, commercial version "The Lords Of Dogtown". "Z-Town" made a very pedestrian subject extremely engrossing, and I wear my Vans a little prouder now (for those who don't know, Vans are a sneaker that first became popular by being favored by the surfer and skateboarding cultures in L.A.).

But I seriously digress...on to Black Cinema, yes?


The first one I saw was a perfectly awful movie called "The Last Stand". You watch the strangest things when you can't get back to sleep...is there anyone more unlikeable than Guy Torry? Oh yes, Kevin Hart, who also happened to be in the film. Just grand.

The "movie" premise was about 4 Black comedians trying to rise to fame, overcoming the various challenges in their personal lives. The challenges are wholly contrived, as if they were ripped from the pages of "How To Write Your First Screenplay 101". The guy just out of jail struggling with credibility in the civilian world, the woman abused by her mom's boyfriend, the dude with the unsupportive wife who tells him he's living a pipe dream...ho-hum. Kevin Hart and a very loud Anthony Anderson are secondary characters. Also involved is the strange calamity that is Red Grant (who I wrote about HERE), always a sure sign that you are involved in a z-grade movie.

Then there is Guy Torry as the unfunny comic (the only part of the film that rang true), who runs away from his family life to prove to Daddy he can make it. Oh, and he has a drinking and drug problem that causes him to self-destruct. Why does Guy Torry get more work than Joe Torry? Guy plays the exact same character, the exact same way, in everything I see him in. Never engaging, never funny, always laughing at his own jokes, and never easy on the eyes. And Russ Parr (who "wrote" and directed)? I think dude might seriously want to stick to radio.

So--Kevin Hart, Guy Torry, generic plot, and some arbitrary secondary story about how one of the comedians jumped to their death. The film begins with that, and the body is covered with a sheet. It keeps flashing back to the crime scene throughout the film, and we are supposed to guess who it is. The only problem? The first story is so weak you don't give a flying fig.

Not even worth buying at the barber shop from Hustle Man. Here is the trailer, which makes it look much better than it actually is, believe it or not:





The next is "Cover". Hmmm. I passed on this film at a Black film festival when I had to choose between it and "Three Could Play That Game". Can you believe I chose the latter? Even more so, can you believe I attended a festival that would show it as a selection?

I really wanted to like this film, as I have always been a big fan of Bill Duke, the director. But he is definitely starting to get the telephoto side-eye from me. Between this and "Not Easily Broken" I think he might be paying for his children's Ivy League education or something. Surely a man of his caliber can create his own projects? Or are these films something he actually wanted to do?

This isn't a spoiler, as all of the film descriptions and publicity tell ahead of time what the film is about. It is about a couple who moves from Atlanta to Philly, the husband being some sort of successful doctor. Many of his long time friends are there, all of them extremely shady and suspicious. The husband is hiding a secret, which we all know 10 miles before the clueless wife--he is on the "down-low". Because there is no mystery, and the "twist" is so obvious, you get fed up with the build-up. "Just get to it already!" you want to yell, waiting for the supposed big reveal.

Instead, I busied myself by looking at the most random cast since....ummm....well, ever. Though you may be mildly surprised at who's in it, you definitely won't be at their performances.


Roger Guenveur Smith: weird, creepy, and wild eyed as usual

Paula Jai Parker: ho'n it up and acting crazy, as usual

Patti LaBelle: sassy and for real gal not takin' any mess, as usual

Clifton Davis Junior: bland and boring, as usual

Leon: preening, arrogant, vain, and self-involved, as usual

Vivica Fox: plays the "mmm-hmmm, girlfriend!" role, lip twisted and with one eyebrow raised, as usual

Louis Gossett, Jr.: serious and no-nonsense, as usual

Mya: contributing as much to this movie as she does to the music industry.

Fun fact: the preacher's wife from the Richard Pryor classic "Which Way Is Up?" is in it, and she is still pretty funny. At least I think it was her.

Besides the tired theme of "forgiveness", the main problem is with one half of the leads. Aunjanue Ellis plays the wife, and she does the best she can with what she has. She is accused of murdering Leon, the husband's HIV positive lover, which is the other mystery in the plot. She is the only reason this film has any credibility at all, and I really wish she would get a lot more work...say substituting her for everything Gabrielle Union is in. She is also from San Francisco, a big plus in my eyes. It is Razaaq Adoti who plays the husband, Dutch Maas, that is the bad apple that spreads to the rest of the film. He is supposed to be the object of affection for at least four people in this film, yet he is not very good-looking, and is completely charm and charisma free. He didn't even seem that bright. I think he won this part on a bet, as even in the most dramatic scenes in the film--crying, fighting, scared, whatever--he is massively and totally unbelievable.


He was in another film that I saw on another mini movie marathon a while back, "Haven", with Anthony Mackie and Zoe Saldana. Even though that film wasn't that great, he did pretty well in that one, so I guess there's hope for him in the future. Ms. Invisible says rent this one when they are out of everything else at the video store. Here is the trailer--it takes a second to start:





And last (and least) is "Madea Goes To Jail". Ummm....yeeaaahhhh.....you're gonna have to read about that elsewhere, as I don't want to dedicate another drop of my precious posting space to that mess of a movie. Guess this picture's from the play:



So there you have it. Basically nothing to see here folks. Except "Dogtown and Z-Boys". I might have some movie news later, as I'm in a writin' mood today.




*i say semi-hot, cause i was never that attracted to these guys in the first place

Really, Vivica?

Is there ANYTHING this woman won't do for a check? No one can have this many bills to pay...just damn.


Update: Michael K. from D-Listed says this:

"In the meantime, maybe Vivica can ask one of her Psychic Friends where her damn hairline went!"

LMAO!


UPADATE #2 from Sergio:

NEWSFLASH!

Viv now has important announcement regarding the video:

"After an infomercial video and flyers for her alleged campaign with The Psychic Friends Networks hit the web on Monday, actress Vivica A. Fox contacted BV Buzz exclusively to address the matter.

In a statement that the star of ‘Two Can Play That Game’ and ‘Soul Food’ sent via e-mail late Monday night, she declared: “Vivica A. Fox is no friend of The Psychic Friends Network.” Fox is alleging that the footage circulating online “is using her unauthorized likeness, footage, voice and photographs as an endorsement of their service.” Additionally, the actress is demanding that The Psychic Friends Network “cease and desist immediately” with use of the video and images.

Details about why the video was shot or how the images were obtained by The Psychic Friends Network were not explained. In the early 1990s, The Psychic Friends Network was a telephone psychic service hosted by Dionne Warwick that offered a call-in service where viewers could call psychics for $3.99 a minute. The parent company, Inphomation, took in profits of over $100 million within the first few years of the Network’s operation. In 1998, profits for The Psychic Friends Network had plummeted substantially and the company filed for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy before ultimately closing."

So I'm confused. Is she saying that she didn't make the video and that somehow they took footage of her from something else and put it into this video

OR...

Is she simply embarassed by all the comments she's been getting about how low her career has slid and is trying to regain some diginity?

What say you all?

Random Movie News...

Not much going on in the world of Black Cinema--or any cinema, really. I went to a preview of the new Morris Chestnut/Taraji Henson/T.D. Jakes/Bill Duke movie "Not Easily Broken"...more on that after it opens, but here are a few tidbits....

Can I say what's up with Sundance? They are showing all types of...I don't even know what this year...to wit (spotted on The Obenson Report):

"[Michael Clarke Duncan] is starring in a film called Slammin’ Salmon, which will premiere at this year’s Sundance Film Festival in a couple of weeks.In the film, a brutal former heavyweight boxing champion Cleon “Slammin’” Salmon (Michael Clarke Duncan), now owner of a Miami restaurant, creates a competition to see which of his waiters can earn the most money in one night, with $10,000 as the winning prize, while the loser will endure a beating at the hands of the champ.

Of course, hijinx and hilarity ensue... what else, right?

The film also features Vivica Fox."

From IW: Hmmm...after some investigation, I see the makers of this film are "Broken Lizard", responsible for a few weird, low budget comedies. I don't know what to make of it, especially what is going on with Vivica's hair...it just seems to get bigger and bigger every time I see her. Here is the trailer:




It pays to be married to someone who knows the true meaning of "parlay", and this applies in volumes to both of the Smiths:

"TNT had greenlit the medical drama "Time Heals," with a 10-episode order. The series is produced by and stars Jada Pinkett Smith. David Julian Hirsh (TBS' "Lovebites"), Laura Kenly, Christina Moore ("90210") and Suleka Mathew ("Men in Trees") will co-star.

"Time Heals" is set in a Charlotte, North Carolina hospital, with Smith playing the director of nursing who takes on hospital administrators, apathetic colleagues and heartless doctors."

From IW: I would normally have lots to say on this, but I know Undercover Black Man was working on a project with Jada, and this may be it, so I'll be quiet and be nice...but oh! how it huurrtsss....



Got this in my inbox from Sergio:

IW-

So I've seen Notorious and I have to say that I think it's really really good. The plot may follow the standard basic formula of a bio-pic but then it's with real visual flare and style by the director George Tillman.

However the sake of openness I have to admit that I'm a long time close friend of Tillman and his producer partner Bob Teitell so course I'm biased. Also I have to be upfront and say that I really don't know anything about hip-hop so I ask you and all your readers to give their opinions about the film and say if they feel the film really captures Biggie Smalls since, though of course I know who he is, I don't nothing about his music except that he was a real big fat guy who got shot. At the screening there were several radio DJ's and local radio execs and they were enthusiastic about the film so I take it that they felt it worked for them.

One fault though is that damn Angela Bassett. Subtlety is definitely not a word she's familiar with. Once again she goes overboard with her usual overacting and speaks in that THE VOICE OF GOD tone especially in her final closing narration in the film. As you said once that black people tend to confuse intensity and over acting with good acting. It's not. Basset is a straight up ham actress pure and simple. I mean she would overact just brushing her teeth.

Sergio

From IW: I'll also keep my mouth shut (for once) about Angela Bassett, 'cause I don't want the chix from "Angie B. News" bringing down their special reign of Bassett terror on me. I will say that I am not checking for this movie--but I said the same thing about Cadillac Records at one time, so we'll see.

Here is the trailer, tho I'm sure most of you have seen it:



And finally, for all you strong. Black, female screenwriters and filmmakers:

"The International Black Women’s Film Festival was established in 2002 by Adrienne Anderson, a San Francisco Bay Area-resident and San Francisco-native. Though an academic and collaborative technology trainer by profession, Ms. Anderson is also a journalist, writer and cultural activist. It was through her contact with music artists and filmmakers that she found that many films being presented had little, if any, fair representation of the complexity and human emotions of Black, female characters. Surprisingly, she found this consistency among films from other countries as well.

She decided to create a festival where the accomplishments, talents, creativity and filmmaking skills of Black women could be celebrated, featured and fairly represented. Looking beyond the usual Hollywood-style stereotypes of Black women, she introduced new and innovate cinema, primarily directed by Black women, and/or featuring Black women in non-stereotypical roles.

To date, the festival has received over 400 entries and has garnered international attention around the world from the Netherlands, Germany, Paris, Ghana, Canada and Australia! The festival has also received personal support and sponsorship from STAR WARS director and creator George Lucas and his media company LucasFilms, Ltd "


From IW: There is a call for entries going on right now. To find out more, click HERE.

Questionable....

Some things have come up on my radar for the past couple of weeks, some of them questionable as hayell, some of them just mild what tha?'s. Some of them are a bit late, but I just wanted to put my thoughts out there anyway:

Halle Berry as "Sexiest Woman Alive"? Yes, she is very pretty, yes she has a great body (she really knows how to show the goods), but I have always found her a bit devoid of the sexual vibe. Like I can't imagine her doing the do without worrying about her hair, if she actually does the do at all (did you follow that?). Apparently, Slausnificent agrees with me.

Terrence Howard booted from Ironman for being greedy? HaHA! (doing my best Nelson from the Simpsons). Dude! What were you thinking? Terrence practically sleepwalked his role in that film---I honestly thought they chose him cause the filmmakers were too lazy to think of another Black guy. This was clearly a case of shut the f*ck up and just get paid. Will The Cheadle be any better? I dunno, but he is like 3 feet, 18 inches, so that is not exactly an auspicious start.

OK, we've been hearing for years that Will and Jada have this wonderful stage marriage as gay and lez in wedlock. But can this story about him paying for discreet, ummm..."down-under" sex be real? If so, wow--let the fireworks begin.

ps: these blind items are supposedly, allegedly, about him. questionable indeed: http://www.laineygossip.com/Trailer_Visits.aspx and http://www.laineygossip.com/Trailer_Visits_With_His_Trainer.aspx

Why, why, why, oh why is Beyonce playing Eartha Kitt? Just damn!!! I agree with Clay Cane 100%:

Etta James and now Eartha Kitt are roles that could make a career for an up and coming actress. Also, isn’t it a rule that once an actor plays a real life character in a movie they should be avoiding additional biopics? That would be like Jamie Foxx playing Sammy Davis, Jr. Beyonce has already portrayed Diana Ross (I don't care what ya say, Deena Jones is Diana), Etta James, and now Eartha Kitt. What's next -- Harriet Tubman?

Yes, Beyonce is a great performer, but an actress she is not. Eartha Kitt was a child conceived by rape, born on a cotton plantation in South Carolina, and rose to fame the old fashion way, hard work—while suffering awful sexism and racism. Her career was practically ruined for being an outspoken advocate against the Vietnam War and she allegedly made the First Lady at a White House luncheon in 1968 burst into tears. Nothing about Eartha's life story will Beyonce be able to pull off. Bey doesn't even know how to drop her George W. Bush Texan accent—how is she going to manage Eartha's South Carolina/pseudo-European accent?

Most importantly, there are so many black actresses who could play Eartha Kitt. The depth and history of Eartha could be an Oscar winning role, but in a Beyonce’s performance all you will get is a NAACP nomination. The reality is, no matter how hard this woman tries to be Meryl Streep, and I believe she is trying, I believe she takes acting class with some of the best teachers in the business—mama just doesn’t have "it."

beyonce "emoting" as etta james in cadillac records--the lights are on, but no one's home.....

Was watching some seriously random movies over the weekend. One of them was "Motives 2" (don't judge me!). What was up with that movie? Seriously, this was completely like a Black and English speaking version of a Mexican tele-novela on TeleMundo, from the outfits, to the makeup, to the overly extreme-to-the-max over the top melodramatic situations and acting. Boo.

I also rewatched "Sugar Hill" for the first time since the 90's. Did that movie just seem so much better because of Terrence Blanchard's moody score, or was it actually good? And how could Wesley Snipes look so damn fine in that movie and be a complete and total turn-off today? How does that happen? And what the eff happened to Theresa Randall? (I always hated her hair in every movie). All I know is Clarence Williams III played the hayell out of Wesley's junkie dad character.

I know I talk about some of the limited choices we have in Black Cinema in the states, but elsewhere, it is even more dismal. To wit, this email from reader Aulelia of "Charcoal Ink". Should we be grateful that we even have choices, good or bad?:

Hi IW,

I feel compelled to write to you and let you know that I finally saw the Great Debaters today. I had to resort to downloading it because the bloody film was not released in the UK despite all of my patient waiting.

I am not even surprised that it does not have a European Region 2 DVD release which is deeply frustrating as I had wanted to buy it.

Anyway, I know it came out ages ago for you in the US but just wanted to say that I thought it was brilliant. Loved it. Lol, no surprise as I am obsessed with Denzel but jokes aside, I found it to be quite touching. I knew what to expect plot wise and I did not feel disappointed.

What does make me sad is how black people in the UK are being starved of such rich films like GD. We keep getting absolute SHITE being advertised here (like journey to the centre of the earth) yet films like GD are ignored - why ? - because they have a black cast.

It is shameful and disgusting. Just want let to let you know that the situation for seeing black films in the UK in cinemas is barely alive.

No wonder Idris and his lovely self has found more work in the US. It is a shame but what it is is merely a reflection of reality.

Today In B'Days....

Laurence Fishburne is 47.

Vivica Fox is 44 (cough). Her hairline is 82.*

*you saw that one coming didn't you?

I Vote "NO"

Only from Percy Miller, aka Master P. Anyone who can make "I Got The Hook Up" can make anything, no shame. From allhiphop.com:

Rap mogul Percy “Master P” Miller and his son Romeo are preparing to star in their first full-length feature together in the new horror movie "The Pig People".

The Pig People will star Romeo as “TJ,” one of five college students who venture into a haunted forest to shoot a documentary for their film class.

The students venture into the woods seeking to debunk an 18th century Louisiana myth surrounding the fearsome, half-human, half-swine “pig people.”

“I’ve never done a horror movie before,” said Romeo, who plans on majoring in film while playing sports at USC.

“It’s a different kind of acting and the challenge is really allowing me to take my game to the next level,” Romeo told AllHipHop.com “We’re gonna make the audience jump out of their seats with this.”

In addition to actor Daeg Faerch (Halloween), Romeo’s father, reformed gangsta rapper Master P., is co-starring in the movie as the film’s villain.The Pig People is being produced by Vault Load Films and directed by David Gueringer and is scheduled to be released in 2009.

From IW: Are you freakin' serious?

On to more ridiculosity; Aunt Viv brings her hairline to new waters. From VH1:

Vivica A. Fox, actress, producer and fashion luminary, is bringing her celebrity style to VH1 for a new competition show ripped from the pages of the fashion magazines. The new series, “Glam God With Vivica A. Fox” slated to premiere in this summer, searches for the next great celebrity stylist who has what it takes to become the stylist to the stars through their ability to create a chic masterpiece using the three key elements of fashion – hair, make-up and wardrobe.

Each week the “stylista” contestants will be asked to compete in various challenges that will test their knowledge of fashion and style trends as they create the perfect look from head to toe. The stylists must be well versed in all areas of fashion and beauty as they bring their vision to life through hair, make-up and wardrobe. Those that fall short of creating that perfect look will have their style license revoked and will be sent packing. The one stylist that manages to rise above the rest will be given the ultimate reward — the chance to launch a career by styling an A-list celebrity and being awarded $100,000.

Throughout each episode viewers will also learn the secret tips of looking fabulous on the red carpet.

“Vivica is a movie star and a fashion icon who knows how to step onto the red carpet and nail it every single time,” said Jeff Olde, Executive Vice President, Original Programming and Production, VH1. “Her instincts are impeccable and she knows how critical it is to have a ‘glam god’ she can trust to create a star-making killer look. We are thrilled that we have her vision and insights to drive this show.”

From IW: Aunt Viv is a fashion luminary and a fashion icon? Since when is she Donatella Versace? (well, maybe they have the same face). When I see her, I am always reminded of someone either going to the prom, or chaperoning it.

For Those in The ATL...

Sorry for the late posting, but if you're looking for something to do tonight, you might want to check this out--it's new Black Cinema, and best of all, it's free:

Urban Film Review Presents:
Premiere of Father of Lies

DATE: Monday,February 25,2008

TIME: 7:00pm

LOCATION: Woodruff Arts Center1280 Peachtree St NE, Atlanta, GA 30309Parking for all Woodruff Arts Center events is available at our state-of the-art Parking Garage located on Arts Center Way, Colony Square, 1293 Peachtree Street, as well as the Promenade building on 15th Street.

ADMISSION: FREE - Arrive early, seating is limited and available on a first come basis.

Father of Lies is a classic story of good vs. evil. Bishop Calvin Jacobs (Clifton Powell) is a well-meaning pastor whose drive and passion raised the profile of his church through serving his the needs of the congregation. Fortune takes a sudden turn one day during a board meeting, in which it is discovered that the church's funds have been mysteriously depleted. With the church's existence in danger, he is forced to resort to desperate means to save his church community. He accepts a high-stakes loan from an international tycoon, who is involved in more than just normal business practices. Setting off a chain of events that involve international political scandal and even the death of one of the church's leaders, the Bishop calls on the higher power to rise above these struggles. Starring: Clifton Powell, Vivica Fox and DMX

I Tried To Stay Out Of It (Part 4)

An Open Letter To Vivica Fox

Dear Aunt Viv (as the gossip blogs call you):

Don't get the wrong idea....I have absolutely nothing against you. I think it's very brave that you go out and do your thing, from producing your myriad of straight to DVD movies, to Quentin Tarantino, to "Dancing With The Stars", to "Curb Your Enthusiasm", to dancing practically nekkid at some bootleg award show behind...ummm...I think it was Mobb Deep, to walking every red carpet in the United States, to celebrity "Family Feud"---you are there---with a beautiful, radiant smile on your face. I admire you for that.

But lately things have been going on that are quite alarming. I shouldn't say lately, cause it kinda started with the rumor that you climbed 50 Pennies home estate wall in Connecticut, was caught, then arrested....all while he wasn't even there and out of town. I let that one go cause I know people can be unkind and like to start rumors.

But then you started showing up around town with the unflattering balding hairlines at places like The Ivy for crissakes, the papparazzi haven of the new world. Couldn't you at least go to a drive-thru if you are hungry, or at least wear a hat?

The "Dancing With The Stars" thing was very thin ice, but I let that one go too, cause you seem very nice and were very gung-ho about it.

But this latest debacle with the sex tape thing? Uhh, not good.

I don't believe for a second that you purposely put that out to get publicity as some suggest...I really don't think you're that starved for attention (at least I hope not). And I really don't know if it's even you, it's hard to tell. And if it is you, everyone has been in a compromising situation or two.

But that's kinda my point---it's time for the public shenanigans to stop, Viv. Hire a driver so you don't go through the public humilation of a DUI. Have your girls (or even your gay boys, I know you know Norwood) around you to keep you from going home with random strangers and low budget 20-somethings. Maybe get a new agent or manager to help make better choices that will make people respect you as an actress and Black Queen. Maybe just start working behind the camera and building a stable empire like Salma Hayak, and only act once in a blue moon. I'm just sayin'.

When women get to a "certain age", it is time to not be placed in a position of public fodder and speculation. It's undignified. If that's how you want to roll, that's great, I understand, but keep it behind closed doors, kay? You might want to give Jack Nicholson a call and get a few tips.

Oh, and the Forever 21 sweatsuits? Let those go too.

I say this with love,

Invisible Woman

Top 10 Worst Black Films Of 2007

Alrighty then. Hope you guys had an awesome day yesterday, no matter what you chose to do. I was going to do one of those standard end of the year "Top 10 Best Films of 2007" lists for black film, but guess what? Surprise, surprise, I couldn't think of ten. The really sad part is I couldn't even think of five. Damn.

The big ticket black films of the year, "Why Did I Get Married?" and "American Gangster" were amusing to watch, but nothing more. The fact that they are considering Denzel's performance for a Golden Globe and other such awards just underscores how bare our cupboards are to me.

Here is to hoping 2008 will be a banner year for Black Cinema.....

Anyhoo, I did however have enough fodder for a "Top 10 Worst Black Films of 2007". Surprise, surprise, again (not). These are in no particular order, as I think they were all pretty much equally atrocious. Some of them kinda walk the line for "Black Cinema", but I included them because of their casts, their hype, and high visibility in the Black Blogosphere:

#1

I Think I Love My Wife

When, when, when is Chris Rock finally going to get it that he does not need to ever be in a film of his own making? Just produce (and for heaven's sake no more directing!), or star in a movie that someone, anyone else, wrote. This was a remake of a non-black film that I've seen called "Chloe In The Afternoon", and it was so mangled in it's interpretation that I didn't even know it until I read that fact yesterday.....so he can't even translate someone else's material. Here is a short clip of him talking about how he came to make this film...LMBAO acting like there was some kind of artistic thought/process behind this bulls--t:

#2

Code Name: The Cleaner

The whole time I was watching this (and for the life of me I don't know why I watched it till the end) I kept saying to myself "Why would Cedric make this movie?". It'll be a happy day when Cedric The Entertainer finds a film or a T.V. show that matches his hilarious abilities in his stand-up. As of now--not even close. This is a clip of the one kinda (operative word kinda) funny scene in the movie. If this is the best it had to offer, you can just imagine how dismal the rest was if you haven't seen it:

#3

The Salon

One of the most stock, stereotypical, lazy black films in quite some time, and that's saying a lot. I wrote about it here. They could've had robots make this movie and no one would have noticed the difference. Some foolio named Mike Brooks had a short clip on "youtube" and it looks like he has a very, very small part as "Street Vendor" in the film, and used this scene for his acting reel/resume. It is a perfect snapshot of everything that is wrong in this movie:

#4

Daddy Day Camp

Cuba Gooding. A script even Eddie Murphy wouldn't touch. An already worn to death premise. 'Nuff said. Here is some New York guido with a clip called "What's Going On Cuba?" The ish is low budget and unscripted, but dude is funny as hayell and completely on point:

#5

Confessions Of A Call Girl

Tho this one had an extremely limited release (with good reason) and zero hype, I included it anyway cause Tamala Jones was in it, as was Lynn Whitfield, who must have absolutely nothing else going on whatsoever. This movie was supposed to be a drama, but was so freakin' laughable that I think they need to rethink the genre and make it comedy. I wrote about all the painful details here. I tried to find a clip of this movie, but all that kept coming up was this tired picture, but in a way it's apropos, so here you go....for those of you who don't know, this is Karinne "Superhead" Stefans, infamous groupie, hoe, and bubblehead:

#6

Who's Your Caddy?

What can I say about this movie that hasn't already been said? It came from the "Our Stories" production company that is supposed to be our savior, and make "wholesome, family oriented films that are a reflection of us and our community" (their words). If this movie is a reflection of us, we might as well pack it in right now. The fact that this film, after all of it's extensive hype, only made $2.9 million in it's opening weekend spoke volumes. Here is a clip of some of the actors and Tracey Edmonds talking about some of the scenes like this crapfest was "Goodfellas" or something---SMH. At the end, Tracey says "This summer, there is nothing like our film coming out". Truer words were never spoken.

#7

Perfect Stranger

Halle Berry continues to make horrible film after horrible film, but is still considered A-List. In fact, has she ever, ever, starred in a great film? In a good one? Even a decent one? I'm talking a theatrical release, not television. The state of mainstream acting seems to be that your acting abilities equate to how the public views your face. The more beautiful the perception is, the better actress you are. Makes perfect sense to me (insert sarcasm). Nicole Kidman and Keira Knightly, anyone? Here is a clever mash-up of Halle's movie and the sitcom "Perfect Strangers" with Balki:

#9

Are We Done Yet?

Admittedly, I haven't seen this film, but the Good Lord knows I don't have to to include it on this list. Here is a so-called "Blooper Reel", which is ironic, as this is what this whole film seems to be. It also shows off Nia Long's super-amazing acting abilities:

#9

Smokin' Aces

Not technically "Black Cinema", but a large portion of the main cast was. After the huge hype of Alicia Keys, Common, and Taraji P. Henson being in it, it was a HUGE letdown, from the beginning to the closing credits. I kept waiting for it to get better, and it never did. I didn't even feel like looking for something interesting associated with this movie, so here is the trailer:

#10

First Sunday

I know it hasn't come out yet, but let's just get it over with to make more room for next year's list, kay? Since I posted the trailer the other day, here it is with some super dramatic music some funny genius uploaded on youtube. It changes the tone and context entirely....kinda goes back with what I say sometimes about how important a soundtrack can be to a film:

Btw, "Rush Hour 3" might've taken spots 1 through 6 if it was considered Black Cinema and not a mainstream summer blockbuster. Congrats to Ice Cube, who made this list twice.

The King and Queen Of Black DVD's

Clifton Powell and Vivica Fox star in some new bootleggery with DMX. Spotted on C&D:

Father of Lies is a classic story of good vs. evil. Bishop Calvin Jacobs (Clifton Powell) is a well-meaning pastor whose drive and passion raised the profile of his church through serving his the needs of the congregation. Fortune takes a sudden turn one day during a board meeting, in which it is discovered that the church's funds have been mysteriously depleted. With the church's existence in danger, he is forced to resort to desperate means to save his church community. He accepts a high-stakes loan from an international tycoon, who is involved in more than just normal business practices. Setting off a chain of events that involve international political scandal and even the death of one of the church's leaders, the Bishop calls on the higher power to rise above these struggles.


I think out of the 5000 movies Clifton has made, this is the first time I've seen him as a lead. Good luck.