Ok, I'm a bit of a Scrooge about Xmas. I just think most of it is kinda ridiculous, and I do my best to stay out of the way. But I do take full advantage of the aspect of folks going into complete slack mode, hence-my lack of posting. I will be back this weekend to give some real movie news (there is some good stuff) as well as a terrific interview I did with "Premium" director Pete Chatmon, that I believe you'll find a good read.
Until tomorrow, I'll leave you with some
reposts of the reviews I did
last year on "The Perfect Holiday" and "This Christmas". Read while drinking egg nog with lots and lots of brandy...peppermint schnapps in hot chocolate also allowed! On a side note, the picture above
is from a real film, with the taglines "One man delivers hope...with a vengeance!" and "He Knows When You've Been Naughty". The plot is described as: "
A down-and-out Santa is robbed of all the toys for all the poor kids in town. He searches for the thugs responsible and serves up his own brand of holiday cheer." Hmmm...don't think I'll be reviewing that one...
BLACK CINEMA AT LARGE
Your Black Cinemist At Large was on her j-o-b this weekend, having seen both "The Perfect Holiday" and "I Am Legend". Since I am not up to 100% yet, I'll write about the former one today, as I'm sure it's still a little too early to give spoilers on the latter. Plus I have a lot more to say about "I Am Legend", so I'll wait a couple more days.
I went into "The Perfect Holiday" with zero expectations, to say the least. I mean, I'm not afraid to say it, I am not the biggest Latifah fan, and the director's last handiwork was "The Cookout", what I consider to be possibly the most abysmal black film ever made in history. Lance "Un" Rivera started his career as a rap mogul, whose most famous claim to fame was being supposedly stabbed by Jay-Z....but I digress.
I find it very unfortunate that this film had a dismal showing at the box office, (early predictions were less than $3 million total), 'cause to my very great surprise, I actually enjoyed it. Seriously. No one was more surprised than me.
Since it's easier for me to give observations as opposed to reviews, I'll just do that. It is, I guess, in a way, a sort of capsule review....and also kind of a lazy mini cop-out, haha.
-One thing that bowled me over was that Charlie Murphy, playing a self centered Jay-Z type rapper, is now officially funnier in every way than his brother Eddie. Who saw that coming?
-Speaking of funny, Faizon Love is finally returning to his earlier promises of hilarity he touched on with "Big Worm" in "Friday". My man got in some serious zinger time.
-Gabrielle Union is not much of an actress, but she is starting to grow on me, and sometimes I find her pretty charming, and definitely a pleasure to look at...she has the most marvelous skin I've ever seen. Pass that secret on, girl!
-There were only a couple instances of side-eye; the soundtrack could sometimes get very loud and out of place (a la "The Cookout", work on that, Lance), and also the stylist in me noticed and was distracted by a couple of wildly inappropriate outfits...but when I saw the "Costume Designer" was Misa Hilton-Brimm, Puffy's first baby's mama, it made more sense. She is singlehandedly responsible for the whole 'ghetto fabulous' look, beginning with Lil' Kim and continuing on from there.
-Morris Chestnut is so fine, he is almost painful to look at. Gawtdayum! Nuff said....it doesn't even matter what came out of his mouth or how he performed (satisfactorily, by the way).
-I really, really, like Rachel True (Half & Half). She seems so cool, sweet, and "peace and love". You can even believe her being cool enough to get with Faizon Love, which she does in this.
-Gabrielle and Morris had real and genuine on-screen black love chemistry...VERY refreshing to see.
-The kids had just the right amount of sassiness, without being brats or getting on your nerves; (can anybody say "Are We There Yet?"-yikes) they almost seemed like real-life children.
-My man Katt Williams was in it, with only one or two hair processes instead of six, haha.
-King Latifah and Terrence Howard seemed to be there strictly for marquee value only...they had absolutely nothing to do with the story, tho Terrence was just as surly as ever....and he literally had about 2 lines of dialogue. I mean, why bother?
Lance Rivera either went to film school after that "Cookout" travesty, or he sat down and watched every holiday and Doris Day film ever made back to back, and copied their look and feel verbatim. And lo behold, it worked.
I was talking to someone the other day about how I would absolutely love to see a film with an all black cast, that didn't make a whole big deal about being "BLACK". That it just told a story, but the cast could easily be replaced by any ethnicity. This is one of those films; it reminded me of any garden variety Doris Day/Rock Hudson film that I used to watch growing up, and I loved it. All of the characters of this film were interchangeable with any of those in Doris' movies, and I enjoyed every minute of it.
That is the exact reason why I feel so bad about how this film is performing....there was a crystal clear bootleg copy available to the public the same day it opened, and since this movie doesn't have the crossover appeal of "American Gangster", it was doomed to fail, as a whole household can pay to see it for $5.00.
Bootleg can be the devil folkses.
I mean, we have a film that is charming, minimal coon, fairly intelligent, that looks like some actual money and effort were put in. A film that has good looking, positive, articulate folks; a family oriented script with a little sexiness thrown in, with a production value that is crisp, clean and beautiful, not to mention well-edited. Isn't this what we've been saying over and over we want to see?
And guess what? It's going to do buttkist at the boxoffice.
So next time those of you who buy bootleg before paying box office, think about where the problem lies when we can't get the "YT" studios to support and distribute black film. It called C.R.E.A.M.**
And it's as simple as that.
**c..r.e.a.m.=cash rules everything around me
"This Christmas"I neglected to write about "This Christmas " yesterday, which actually did a very respectable 2nd place over the holiday weekend behind "Enchanted" (??!!) a movie I only heard about the day before it came out. How did a film like that break records? But I digress...
When I first saw "This Christmas", I wasn't exactly bowled over by it. To me, it was an extra large helping of "Soul Food" (even Mekhi Phifer was in it!) with a side of "Mo Betta Blues" with "Waiting To Exhale" for dessert. But in hindsight, there were some elements that did bring some thoughtfulness (spoilers ahead):
- Why does every movie like this have a long suffering matriarch that always says "family is family, no matter what"?
-Why is there always so much drama at one family dinner? I don't know about y'all, but on a typical holiday get-together with my family no one is being chased by thugs for money, no one is AWOL from the armed services, no one is secretly married to a white girl with a baby on the way, no one gets caught having an affair within two days of said event, no one pushes a car off a cliff, no one pulls a gun out on somebody at a club, two siblings don't have a knock down drag out fight in the rain on the front lawn, and nobody gets caught trying to have sex in the closet. (Yes, all of these happened in a 2 day span in the movie). Even one of these factors would be enough for my family to talk about for the next 10 holidays.
- Was it wrong for me not to feel sorry for the YT secret wife when she showed up and her AWOL man was in jail? He ruined his whole military career over her, and from what I could tell, she had no discernible attributes that seemed worthy of ruin. She didn't seem to have a job, much less a career, no money, not particularly charming or charismatic...she wasn't even that pretty...I mean, could they have cast someone else? Even Paris Hilton would have been more interesting.
- Was it wrong that I thoroughly enjoyed the scene where Regina King hands down whupped her husband's ass with a belt and a ton of baby oil? (Sorry guy readers, haha)
-Lauren London is so very, very pretty....wow. Keith Robinson (Dreamgirls, Half & Half), on the other hand, always seems stiff and uncomfortable to me, tho this is the loosest I've ever seen him. Regina King has obviously been working out a lot--her body looks great.
-Who knew Sharon Leal could be so sassy and actually hold screen time? She seemed like an entirely different person. In "Why Did I Get Married" she was like a lump on a log. Maybe cause she had to kiss Tyler Perry in that film, instead of Mekhi, like in this one. I would've been sour too. LMAO at her line "You decided to be with that fraction of a man!"
-I love Chris Brown and all (as I stated in my Omarion comments the other day), but why do they keep sending a boy to do a man's job? First, a remake of a Donny Hathaway song, which is admirable, but let's be real, no one can eff with The Don. Then they have him sing "Try A Little Tenderness" originally sung by Otis Redding in the film? Painful! That song is to be sung by someone that looks like Idris Elba or Delroy Lindo (both in the film), not some teeny-bopper that makes it sound like a pop song. And what is up with the older women attraction for him? He looks like someone's 16 year old kid brother. Damn, Gabrielle Union.
-Speaking of Chris Brown, why is it in the first scene where he had his shirt off, all I could hear was WOOOOOO!!! By all males by the way. Interesting.
The positives are that everyone had something valuable to contribute to the world (except YT), the film looked crisp and professional, and there were no bad wigs and weaves (the make-up was on point, too). Cooning was kept to a bare minimum...as a matter of fact, I don't remember any to speak of. People had nice cars without rims, and no one seemed to live in the ghetto.
If anyone had time to see this, I would really like to know what you thought of it....sucio!
P.S. Everyone: A peaceful journey to Ms. Eartha Kitt.
Usually it takes my beloved Mr. Howard (aka Terrence) to wake me out of my blogging beauty sleep, but even his laughable "Cleanse And Protect! You Gotta Wash Your Hands!" public fuckery campaign in Philly that takes his love for baby wipes to the next level couldn't wake me this time. I love you guys to death, and have wanted to share a bunch with you, but could not seem to put fingers to keyboard.
Blacula, Black Belt Jones, Trouble Man, Cleopatra Jones...you name it, all the classics are here repped by some of the finest jewels in music; James Brown, Issac Hayes, The Impressions, Joe Simon, The Blackbyrds, Marvin Gaye...by the time I got to "Brothers Gonna Work It Out" by Willie Hutch from the classic Blaxploitation "The Mack", I was completely, thoroughly, and absolutely in love, lol. Did you know Sweet Sweetback's Theme was by Earth, Wind and Fire? I might have, but forgot--it's tidbits like that that make this even more of a treasure. All of my memories of these films came rushing back, and I was very grateful to the people behind this project for having the amazing foresight and what must have been a good deal of patience for licensing. I even loved the fact that they called it a homage to "Black Action Films" as opposed to Black Exploitation, or Blaxploitation, two terms I never really cared for.
Sarah Palin's feet and toes at a recent appearance--speaks volumes, don't it? I think Dave was on to something about the "slutty flight attendant" look
I think I ruffled a few feathers not too long ago when I stated that "age was the enemy" on the post I did on Jimmy "J.J" Walker and Boy George, alluding to their rapid deterioration and alarming visages. Some said "It's not age, it's lifestyle!" True, that is a factor, but you can be the exercisinest veganist vegan, and it all hits the end of the road somewhere. I started thinking of this subject for several reasons...the first one being this:
That these two that practically anyone, at any time, at any place, would have smashed in the 90's end up looking like Michael Jackson's unholy apprentices. I just don't get it. NOTE TO HOLLYWOOD: Make a beeline to whomever works on Halle Barry and Jennifer Lopez and call it a day! Those two should be the only working plastic surgeons in the world. Period.
Yes, age is devastating, as was witnessed on the "American Idol" disco medley the other day. Much has been made of how "ancient" the guests were, but if any of the readers of this blog look like Freda Payne (67 in Sept), or Thelma Houston (63 in a yellow dress showing a massive amount of leg) at their ages, please let me know. As for KC of KC and the Sunshine Band....well, let's just say he is dealing with a numerous amount of the white man's burdens.
Another example of the perils of aging is the disappointing film I watched the other day, "Original Gangstas". I was very happy to live with the memory of the fine-ass (and I do mean ass) Fred Williamson, aka 'The Hammer' from the 70's, and this film was an unwelcome jolt of reality. It is a vengeance movie that brings together Williamson, Jim Brown (wearing this life's most unfortunate kufi to cover an even more unfortunate bald spot), Ron O'Neal (Superfly, looking like the cashier/weed dealer at your nearest bodega), Richard Roundtree (Shaft), and Pam Grier (Foxy Brown, with hair looking like it hasn't seen the working end of a flat iron for several decades). You would think bringing together the most iconic icons of 70's Blaxploitation would be the sh*t, but sadly, I was left wishing everyone would have just rested on their laurels, and all I wanted to do was hand out Restalyne and Ab Rollers to everyone involved :-(
But there are other things that can cause it to all fall down, most prolific being stupidity. Rapper/actor Xzibit is about to lose his house to foreclosure, after 100 years of "Pimp My Ride" and it's reruns. Terrence Howard is still whining about losing his part in "Ironman". Ummm....T? Everyone involved with this film has been a professional for years. You mumble, sleepwalk, and use your "quivering voice" at dramatic pauses, then proceed to jack your price up sky high? That is exactly why you are in some fucked up movie called "Fighting" with the other weirdest Black man in Hollywood, Roger Guenveur Smith, who is probably your doppelganger, and playing second fiddle to Channing Tatum, whoever that is. Maybe you can pick up where Wesley Snipes left off.
A loooong way from wearing Ironman's suit of armor, yes?
Stupidity coupled with being low budget is definitely the way to make it fall down. Idris Elba now refuses to do press junkets and attend the premieres of his masterpiece "Obsessed". Negro, you were on "The Wire". Did you even read the script for this POS? I'm assuming not, as it surely would have ended up in "the circular file" as my grandfather used to say--aka the wastebasket. Don't act all brand new now. What did you possibly hope to accomplish starring opposite Beyonce and Ali Larter, in a film that was produced by the dude that did "3 Can Play That Game?" Falling down, dude. Hard.
But nobody has fallen as hard in my recent memory as this next one. I watched a bootleg (yes, I'm going to Heck) of "Single Black Female", which is without exception the very worst film ever made, ever. It looked like it was filmed on a 1999 Nokia phone, yet I was could not stop watching it. I was completely transfixed by it's unbelievable horribleness--I think I was hypnotized. Beyonce can make a thousand "Obsesseds" and it wouldn't even come close to the stench of this flick. It "stars" Farrah Something Or Other, who used to be in Destiny's Child, and obviously that will forever be the zenith in her life till the grave. Yes, age is no joke, but combine being stupid, low budget, AND talentless and there is nowhere to go but down. Behold:
I know my posting has been spotty. The truth is, I've finished a transition back to the Bay Area to be closer to my parents, and I miss L.A. terribly...I will probably have to have residences in both places to keep everyone happy, the main person being me.
How can I not say anything about the severe and unmitigated f*ckery that is Samuel Jackson? After being the super-overexposed version of Beyonce in the movie biz, he seems to want to dare us to hate him. He has signed on to do 9, yes nine, yes IX more pictures as the character Nick Fury. Is there anyone in life we want to see that much? I would saw off someone's foot to get close to Dwayne The Rock Johnson, but even I wouldn't want to see him in nine freaking pictures playing the same character. Just boo!
Also on my grouch radar is Tyler Perry. I said to myself that I wasn't going to dedicate anymore space to his projects except for straight reportage, but gawtdayum, a movie version of "I Can Do Bad All By Myself"? What next--Stepin Fetchit on Parade? I mean, that play was all sorts of funny, but it puts the chitlin', fatback, and hog maws in chitlin' circuit.
Speaking of chitlins, for some crazy Black History f*ckery, check out Thembi's post on white (and Black) America's tributes to our so-called history and tastes. True WTF?!? shenanigans if you ever saw it!
I kept silent about Slickback's stupid statement about the Chris Brown/Rihanna debacle (my advice still stands to only speak through a publicist, Terrence), and it is even more stupid as he was arrested for the exact same thing a few years back.
Just setting my grouch/disgust factor off the charts is Marlon Jackson's complete lunacy about building a slavery theme park, complete with golf courses, spas, etc., coupled with a Jackson family museum. How much do we really know about Marlon? I mean he has never really said much before....how do we know he might not have some mild form of autism or something like that? All signs point to it with an idea so stupid I can dedicate 3 posts to it.
Clearly this woman has never been introduced to, or been within a 50 mile radius of a stylist, ever.
Director John Singleton is no longer attached to direct the feature film adaptation of the 80s TV series “The A-Team,” according to Variety.
Having most recently played a dirty cop in "Lakeview Terrace," Jackson is set to star as a bad guy again in Columbia Pictures' remake of Berry Gordy's 1985 cult classic "The Last Dragon."
Speaking of dicey moves, there is an online petition to get rid of The Cheadle in "Ironman" and bring back Baby Wipes Howard. Yes, really. If you want to see it, or heaven forbid sign it, you can click HERE.
In non-Black Hollywood news, I am really sad to see that Joaquin Phoenix has decided to quit acting for good. I saw "We Own The Night" last night, and really enjoyed it. It was a great cops and criminals action/suspense thriller, in which he co-starred with Robert Duvall and Mark Wahlberg. With so few real actors around, and folks like Robert Duvall and DiNiro getting older, it is sad to see someone like Joaquin leave, while Marky Mark keeps making movie after movie. I've always found that dude so wooden, and he looks and acts exactly the same way in every single film he's in. *sigh*
In other news, Elijah Kelley seems to be venturing from his brand new career in acting to writing/directing already. After getting rave reviews in "Hairspray" and landing a role in one of the supposed 3 biographical films of Sammy Davis, Jr. (what happened to those anyway?) he debuts with a project called "Who Killed Bishop Brown". It is described thusly:
[black caesar] is one of my favorite flicks; and the soundtrack is killer. i interviewed fred once and he told me james brown was mad, because he wanted to play the lead.
And finally a huge big up to Reelblack's Michael Dennis winning CNN's IReport Film Festival. He says:
beyonce "emoting" as etta james in cadillac records--the lights are on, but no one's home.....
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